How Not to Write a Love Letter

I was browsing a few old compositions and I saw something that I'd like to share to my readers (if there are any out there). Just a few tips on how NOT to write a love letter. How to write one? I have no idea. All of the examples sited are actual excerpts from actual love letters. The grammatical errors alone make them worth reading.

First. It is important to use a different sheet of paper before writing it on your very precious stationery. You wouldn't want to make any erasures on your scented stationery. Second. Make sure to check your spelling. That's what dictionaries are for. For the grammar, you better consult your grammar books for that. Third. Don't give out-of-season greetings; Merry Christmas when it's still August, or Happy Valentines Day in December. Not even when you insert the word 'advanced.'

Here are some line that you might want to avoid writing:

"I know your be surprise upon receiving this"

It has bad grammar written all over it. I'm not saying how it suppose to be written. That's what grammar books are for.

"I know your astonish upon receiving this message letter of mine."

What in the world is a 'message letter?' I did get what he's trying to say but this is too much. Keep it simple.

"When I first see you I know that your attitude is good and most especially respecting to each other."

Uh... I don't know what he's trying to say.

For these lines: "But please don't be angry.", "But again I thought of you getting angry for you might misinterpret my intentions.", "I'm very ready to accept everything, everything that you'll slap my face."

Angry? I don't think the receiver would be angry. Happy perhaps. Laughing is more like it.

"Now: I need you. Someday: I meet you. Because: I love you.", "Love is forever if no one can breaker."

You have got to be kidding me. First, corny. Second, this isn't one of your slum notes.

"From the lowest to the highest common denominator of my heart. I have a survey from east to west, north to south an I found out that your structural design in connection with your body is the most magnificent or the most significant in engineering technology."

That sounded like a cross between engineering and pornography if you ask me.

Maybe a few of these lines would show your humorous side. I mean most women like men with a good sense of humor. But don't overdo it. If you do, your just showing your unintelligent side.