Shoot 'Em Up... I mean Drive Angry

Drive Angry is an action movie that stars Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard (Zombieland, as 406), and William Fichtner (Prisonbreak). Visuals. There's a lot of explosions, a lot of bullets, quite a lot of blood, and some paranormal stuff. All of that in 3-D. Story. It's about a guy who escapes Hell to save his granddaughter from a Satanist. And what do you know? One of Satan's minions came after him and gave him a little hand. The story is pretty linear and left nothing for the imagination. It was a no-brainer. That's how 3-D movies are. Most of the scenes are made to make use of the 3-D technology to its maximum.

Overall. Drive Angry is just your basic shoot-em-up movie. Pretty much like Shoot 'Em Up (stars Clive Owen). It involves saving/protecting a baby. Pretty much like Shoot 'Em Up. There was a scene where the main dude was shooting bad guys while doing the deed. Pretty much like Shoot 'Em Up. It had lame-shot bad guys just like Shoot 'Em Up. The whole movie was pretty much like Shoot 'Em Up, minus the carrot, plus the god-killer. Recommendations. I'd say this was a little bit of an improvement over Cage's last movie, Season of the Witch. So yeah, Cage fans and action fans can go see this movie. It's not really for the family with all the violence, nudity, and devil worship.

Tomato Rating: Ten tomatoes.

Season of the Witch

There is something about working and watching a movie that seems to be a pattern for me. Before going to work (I'm on night shift that time and was hoping that my work schedule would get cancelled and it did), I opted to go to the mall and watch a movie. That day's target movie was Season of the Witch.

Season of the Witch stars Nicolas Cage (you probably know him very well) and Ron Perlman (Hellboy) as two deserter Templar Knights assigned with the task of bringing an accused witch to the holy monks to be tried and stripped of her powers. Nuff said. We don't want to give away too much of the story.

Visuals. The costumes were nicely done and were perfect for the setting. The special effects were pretty much decent. Story. Pretty standard and linear. Very predictable. One thing's for sure, it's not a witch they're up against. Overall. This movie made the attempt of making an Action / Adventure / Fantasy / Suspense / Horror with a touch of Lord of the Rings and a dab of futile humor. Recommendations. If you're a Cage fan then you might want to see this movie. If not, then don't bother. But I do think that the masses would love the effects, simplicity, and no-brainer story.

Tomato rating: Eleven tomatoes.

The Green Hornet

After work, I went straight to the mall, got myself a ticket and watched The Green Hornet, the hero that poses as a villain.

Green Hornet was originally a radio program back in the 1930's. I never knew that before today when the movie credits started showing; "Based on the Radio Program." What I did know was that there was a TV series and Bruce Lee starred as Kato. I used to watch that show when I was a boy.

This 2011 movie adaptation stars Seth Rogen as Britt Reid/Green Hornet, Jay Chou as Kato (a.k.a. Kato), and Cameron Diaz as Lenore Case. For those who think Chou looks kinda familiar, he played Takumi Fujiwara in the live action movie of Initial D.

Now on to the ratings. Visuals. This movie has a 3D and a non-3D version (I saw the non-3D). It probably looked nice in 3D but the non-3D is nice enough to look at. Story. There were some pretty good conflicts going around. Plus, the villain tries hard enough to become more villainous. Overall. For a GP movie, this one's pretty action-packed with quite a few surprises, and it has a lot of funny moments. Recommendations. See it on 3D if you want to but the non-3D will still have the same story. It's great for the masses and is a good movie to watch with the whole family. Since, there have been quite a lot of changes to the characters over the past 70 or so years, a little "nowadays" change wouldn't hurt.

Tomato rating: One tomato. Now cue the theme.

TRON Legacy

I remember seeing TRON when I was just a little boy. Back then, its visual effects were amazing. I guess it was one of the best Science Fiction films of its time.

Earlier, I had the chance to see TRON Legacy. And just in time too, before all the MMFF films get on the big screen (Whew!). After almost three decades, the sequel to TRON has come. The movie stars Jeff Bridges, Garret Hedlund, and Olivia Wilde. Like the original TRON movie, Tron isn't the lead character. I wonder why the movie is titled after him. On with the details. Visuals. Both 2D and 3D versions look great but is better in 3D with all the special effects; shattering. Story. The story is quite linear and you can pretty much predict the outcome. But you can't argue with a Disney production for being such. It doesn't offer much to the occult following of the original movie either. Still, it's very entertaining. Overall tomato rating: Seven tomatoes.

Before the movie started, I had the chance to see previews of the up coming movies for 2011 and I'm pretty psyched to see them; Thor, Transformers 3, The Green Hornet, Red Riding Hood (pretty much like what they did to Snow White long ago), Real Steel, and the return of Captain Jack Sparrow.

The Other Guys

The Other Guys is an Action / Comedy film that stars Mark Wahlberg, Will Farrell and features Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, and Samuel L. Jackson.

It's a story about two cops (Wahlberg and Farrell) with very opposite personalities that want to fill the shoes of the top cops gone-splat-on-the-pavement (Johnson and Jackson). Visuals. Johnson's and Jackson's action scenes were pretty well made. Especially the part where they hit the pavement. Pretty funny stuff. Story. The plot is simple enough to follow. Make it more complicated and you'd loose the fun in it. Recommendations. It's a fun movie to watch. Entertaining but I wouldn't recommend it to the some of The Rock's fans because his characters dies in a very... un-intellectual way. Spoiler alert?. Too late for that.

Tomato rating: Five tomatoes.

The Expendables

The Expendables is a movie about a team of mercenaries. I have to say, they were a level higher than the A-Team in the bad ass department.

I wasn't expecting much from the movie. I was curious because of its cast of household names in hard hitting action; Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, with a cameo by Bruce Willis and Arnold Sczhwarzenegger. All that's missing were Steven Segal, and Jean Claude Van Damme, and maybe Vin Diesel. Jackie Chan won't fit in well in this movie. I'm not much of a the guns-a-blazing-war-type-movie but this movie was the bomb (a little archaic there). The sheer brutality of the fights made me want to finish it to the end. They showed the right way to defeat your enemy; humiliate and eliminate in the most brutal way... No mercy.

Now for the low down. Visuals. Like a said, guns-a-blazing, and explosions galore. There's a lot of gore; bodies torn in half, head and limbs cut off, not to mention a neck-breaking axe kick to the face (and I do mean neck breaking). Story. The story's pretty simple. A simple complete the mission and you're good to go. The action makes up for the simple story. Recommendations. This movie is an absolute must see for the action movie fan and the general masses. I would not recommend this for the critical movie fan though but I'm sure they would watch this for a simple review. Now for the tomato rating: I give it three tomatoes.

Bitch Slap

Another boring moment lead me to watch a movie that has been on my hard drive for a very long time now. Today, I'll be reviewing the movie, Bitch Slap. This movie starred Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, and America Olivo as three women out to get a massive loot from an underworld kingpin. There were a lot of close-up cleavage shots and Playboy-like takes. Take them all out and you might have a thirty-minute long movie with a story so bad you'd want to throw something at your expensive home entertainment system. However, I'd commend the writers for the attempt in twists.

Low down reviews. Visuals. For some of the scenes, it had the feel of Sin City in color. The close-up cleavage shots, the 'water fight', and more cleavage shots gave the visual department the edge they wanted, at least for those who don't get tired of looking at breasts. The explosions were bad. The violence was bad. Make-up was bad. The acting was bad (sorry Hercules). Story. Like I said, the story was so bad that the boob-shots compensated for it. Recommendations. Don't even think about it. Well, I guess the curious would want to watch it. But trust me, if you're a movie lover, don't see this, don't get the DVD, don't even see it on cable. Well, I guess you can see it on cable coz you can always flip the channels. In the name of the tomato rating system, I give this movie seventeen tomatoes, and a ball of cabbage, and some carrots. Heck, I'm throwing in the whole salad bowl.

Hot Tub Time Machine

I was bored and I had nothing to do and out of curiosity, I watched this movie. And it did fill my need for entertainment. This movie stars John Cusack (after 2012, this is what he makes), Clark Duke, Rob Corddry, and Craig Robinson. It's a story about three friends who are not doing well during their adult lives. After one attempts to take his life by carbon monoxide poisoning, they all decide to relive their most memorable time at Kodiak Valley Ski Resort. While relaxing in a bathtub, they wake up in 1986. The rest of the story, find out by watching it.

"Maybe the universe will bring us together again," would be my favorite line in this movie.

Lets get down with the low down. Visually, As a comedy, you don't really see much visual effects. Except maybe the hot tub effects and the arm ripping. But that's pretty much it. Story. It's a simple story of time travel and changing your present lives. Recommendations. Do what I did. If you're bored and have nothing to do, watch this movie. It's a good movie to pass the time with. With the tomato rating system, I give it seven tomatoes.


Until next time for my next movie review. Hopefully a double feature.

Another Movie Review

So it's been a while since the last movie review and there has been a lot of movies since. However, I'll be talking about two movies that I've seen lately. Also, I will be using a rating system that gauges the "suckiness" of the movie. (Yes, that's not really a word). The tomato system; the more tomatoes the movie gets, that’s how it sucked. Maximum of 20 tomatoes. We wouldn't want to waste that much tomatoes.

First up is Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. The movie is based on a game of the same title; from the really nifty graphics of 1989 to the HD and handheld consoles of 2010. The main protagonist, Dastan, is played by Bubbleboy went Darko to Brokeback actor, Jake Gyllenhaal. With a number of supporting actors like Doctor Octopus, Io, and The Hood. Looking at the story as a whole, it humbles the image of Persia from the movie, 300. With a time-traveling concept that the movies Next, and Goundhog day would be proud of.

Low down. Visually. Yes, it's a good movie for the eyes. I wasn't sure if they used any mattes. The cityscape was neat-o. The sand effects gave an ember feel to the rewind sequences. Story. Some would love the twists of the story but it really doesn't keep one guessing. No one really dies in the end except for The Hood. Recommendations. It's great eye candy for everyone to see in the big screen. I'd give it four tomatoes for failing to surprise me.

Next up is The A-Team. It's a remake of the old TV series of the same title. Of course, the original actors are no longer the one portraying the roles seeing that the series aired in the 80's. Still taking the premise that the A-Team is blamed for a crime that they didn't commit, they do what has to be done to get the job done. It's nice how the words 'PITY' and 'FOOL' are tattooed on BA's knuckles. This movie gave me a few surprises and the stating-the-plan-while-it-happens gave a Mission: Impossible feel to it. In two words, the movie is bad ass. You gotta love the way Baracus bench pressed, and slammed Pike head first.

Low down. Visually. This is not an eye candy movie but the explosions, explosions, and explosions would keep the action movie fan wanting more. Did I mention there were explosions? The effects on some of the more improbable moments do need a little more work. They tend to make the movie look a little bit like a super hero movie. Story. The planning-before-strike took a little suspense away from the movie. But then again, a good action movie doesn't need suspense. Recommendations. It's a good movie for the action movie goers with its fast paced, almost non-stop action. It's nice to see it on the big screen but its just fine to see it on your home entertainment system. I'd give it four tomatoes.

There it is. My first movie review in a long while using the tomato system rating.

Keep throwing those tomatoes.